the dreaded summer

Hello Gorgeous Readers. I have NOT abandoned my blog. I've been dreadfully busy and unfortunately, lesliedishes has fallen to the wayside. In short, my house was torn apart for about 5 weeks during a not-so-extreme home make over. Then, I've been writing scripts up the wazoo for the upcoming webisodes. Not to mention the day to day rederick of homelife. Which brings me to today's blog.

Ugh. My son is counting down until the last day of school. I, for one, am holding onto the '08-'09 school year for dear life. Picture me sitting in my closet, wearing nothing but a white t-shirt, rocking back and forth, turning my lamp on, off, on, off..... I practically hyperventilate thinking of 3 mos. of this. "This" being screaming, fighting, tattling, breaking, endless snacks, endless requests, endless questions and hours and hours of unfiltered dialogue. You know what I mean. I laid in bed this morning listening to 15 STRAIGHT minutes of why my son believes it takes George Lucas soooooo long to make 'one stinkin' Star Wars movie". Because there's no filter between the boys' brains and mouths, it makes for a very, very long day. Can you imagine saying each and every thought that pops into your head? As I'm typing this, the boys are sensing that the focus isn't on them, so they're dancing around my chair screaming, "I'm cuckoo for cocoa puffs". For the record, I do not allow such cereals into my home. Someone who was left alone with the boys for ONE NIGHT decided to treat them to a chocolatey breakfast and then forgot to hide the evidence when I returned home. So, just like any other heroine addict worth his weight, my kids are now full blown junkies. I've since removed the incriminating evidence, but the desire and the crave will always be there. Sure, they're attending their bi-weekly meetings, but still. While they're no where near completing the 12 step recovery process, they have begun to "Let go and let God", so that's a start.

I digress. As I was saying... I'm DREADING the impending Summer. I always do. I loathe the heat and the incessant guilty need to be outside. I'd rather be in the air conditioning than outside sweating my a$$ off. I don't like being hot. I don't worship the sun. I don't like having to schlep sunscreen everywhere I go. I don't like that every night is bath night. I don't like the kids' sense of entitlement when the ice cream man drives through the neighborhood, playing that annoying rendition of Popeye the Sailorman. I don't like that it doesn't get dark until 10 (how do you explain that to your kids, whose bedtime is 8) and finally, I don't like sand. Oh wait, I don't camping or outdoorsy stuff either.

So, as it stands, I've managed to sign my 7 year old up for pretty much every possible thing you could sign him up for. Football clinic, Vacation Bible School (he hates it), Jurassic camp, Witchcraft camp, Pipe bomb camp...I don't care at this point. Sign 'em up! If it occupies him for several hours a day, I'm happy. Don't think I've overlooked the 4 year old. I've tried, oh, I've tried to pawn him off onto any takers. No one wants him. I begged the Vacation Bible School to take him and they said they would, but only for mothers who volunteer all day, everyday.
F--K. THAT! I'll keep him home with me. I'm all about church and God and the wonderful messages that VBS teaches, but I certainly don't care to Rah Rah Rah about it to 300 elementary school kids!!! I'd rather shoot myself in the face.

So that about wraps up what's new and fascinating in my life. If you see a gal out on the lake, in a boat, wearing pig tails and a straw cowboy hat, looking as if she's contemplating throwing herself into the propeller, then wave, IT'S ME!!!!

Summer's coming. Can't you feel the air getting thinner???

LB