#1. Old people. For the love of God. Just go into the bank. Don't think you're crafty enough to use the ATM, because you're not. No matter how simple the instructions are, you won't be able to take out your $20 or deposit your $5 check in a timely fashion. I guarantee the time will run out before you complete the task. I must have sat behind a Cadillac DeVille for 15 minutes yesterday. Two old people inside. I swear you could see the tongue of the man in the driver's seat. It was all waggling around while he tried to figure out the crazy computer money thing. Finally, when he realized that he'd need to balance his entire checkbook before withdrawing his $$, he stuck his chicken wing out the window and pointed for me to go to the next one. Five seconds later, I had completed my withdrawal and I was pulling away from the drive thru. Suddenly Old Man River guns it and speeds out of his drive thru just to exit the bank before me. What the F.?
#2 Old people. Same as #1, except with regard to the self-checkout at the grocery store. I saw Maude scan those f-ing bananas for 5 minutes before realizing that she'd have to enter the produce code. Entering the 4-digit code took another 10 minutes. (Cut to her laying dead in a pool of blood and my walking sideways, whistling).
#3 People who let their children do things that other people do to save time. I'll give examples. Pushing elevator buttons (do you mind? Mackenzie really loves to push the buttons). Oh no, I don't mind at all. I have no where special to be. After all, it's only a medical center and there's 22 floors in this place and I've been starring at my watch, sighing for the past 5 minutes while Mackenzie pushes every single button. SOCIAL CUES PEOPLE...CATCH ON! Before I receive comments on how I'm evil and have no patience for children, don't bother. I have no patience for children. I even have a few of them. But, the difference is, when we're in public, I take social cues from other people and act accordingly. If it seems like my son is bothering the women behind us in line by ramming my cart against her ankles, than I'll usually ask him to stop. It's very simple. This also goes for parents who let their kids check out their own library books at the self-scan kiosk. Obviously people who visit the kiosk are people who are in a bit of a hurry. It never fails that a mother and her child will inevitably beat me to the checkout counter with 3,000 books and mom will take that very opportunity to give McGregor his first lesson on scanning books. 4 hours later, I'll leave the library with my copy of "Manslaughter for dummies".
#4 When I have the entire movie theater to myself and a 6 foot tall amazon sits squarely in front of me. I will glare at the back of their heads so hard, I can barely concentrate on the movie.
#5 When I hold the door for someone and they walk right through without acknowledging me. Ohhhhhh, I want so badly to run through the door, grab them by the back of the shirt and throw them back through the door, then slam the door in their face. Then shrug my shoulders, tilt my head and give my best, "oops" face.
Ok. If I don't stop here, I'll have an aneurysm. Basically, everyone irritates me. Bye.
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