paper white lillies

Has anyone ever received Paper White Lillies as a gift? If so, the person that gave them to you hates you. How apropos that my son would give them to me.

I had the pleasure of volunteering in my son's first grade class during their Valentine's Day Party. I walked passed the boys bathroom to get to my son's classroom and this overwhelming stench came over me. I assumed there was an incident in the bathroom and reported my findings to my son's teacher. "No" she tells me, "the stench is coming from the classroom next door----the students grew paper white lillies and they just bloomed".

"Oh, ok", I told her as I circled my index finger to my head. As if I don't know the difference between the smell of raw sewage and the smell of blooming flowers. I may not be a first grade teacher, but I'm a pretty sharp cookie.

Two days ago my son brings me home a surprise from his classroom. It is his very own paper white lilly. It was ever-so, ever-so, lovely. I ooooh and aaaahhhed over it and placed it behind my kitchen sink.

The next morning I came downstairs and assumed someone had shat in my sink. The stank in my kitchen was so foul. I almost threw up. Damn you, Mrs. Volkers, damn you. So, I emailed my son's first grade teacher and asked if this was some sort of conspiracy. Was this retribution for all the times we parents send sugary snacks to school. She concurred and told me to enjoy my paper white lillies. Then she added, "do you think it was a coincidence that I sent them home just before they bloomed". Bless her heart.

Paper white lillies, my ass. More like pooper lillies!