food for thought

Secret, secret...I've got a secret! Here's something I'll bet you didn't know about me. As much as I love cucumbers, I loathe buying them. I imagine that there are creepy, lurking men who are peering at me from all angles of the produce aisles thinking to themselves, "oooohhhh, she likes the long, firm, green ones...uh huh...I'll give you a long, firm green one, honey....". Then I imagine them going back to their caves where they're holding a Senator's daughter against her will and will inevitably tell her to 'put the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose'. I usually won't be too choosy about my cucumbers, because the longer I stand there and jerk off all the cucumbers, the creepy men have already jimmied their way into my car and are waiting to drag me back to their dungeon, where I'll bravely wait for Jodi Foster to rescue me.