what not to wear and other fashion don'ts!

I've never claimed to be a fashionista and no, I'm not trying to rip off Stacy London. However, I do own a mirror and that alone gives me authority over what works and what doesn't.

1. Nude nylons. There should be a law. I'll take it a step further. Nude nylons with open-toe sandles. Never, ever, under any circumstances should you ever wear nude nylons and/or with sandles.

2. Long, air brushed acrylic nails. Nope, sorry. Say good bye to your mini sunsets and your little flamingos.... NO designs on your nails! The only exception to this is if you're 4 and your mommy paints a daisy on your little piggy, but that's about it!

3. Jeans that show camel toe. You do own a mirror, do you not? And you are aware that you are revealing a perfect silouette of your labia, are you not? Ladies, ladies, the higher up you pull your jeans, the bigger your camel toe will become. It's basic science. Furthermore, typically these types of jeans have a double whammy because not only are they atrocious from the front, but they're also horrendous from the back, because often these are the types of jeans that have really small back pockets and the pockets are placed too far apart. Another no-no. These are what we call "mom jeans". All they do is make your butt look big. Go for the big pockets, ones that are close together and with some sort of cute design on the pockets. It's all about the pockets.

4. Please, for the love of the land, stop letting your kids wear their pajamas to the grocery store. Just dress them. Is it really that difficult to get them out of their pajamas and into actual street clothes? Also...babies dressed only in a diaper. No shoes, no shirt....just sitting in a germ infested grocery cart, walking down the freezer aisle which is somewhere around 4 degrees.... you've all seen it.

5. Parents, grandparents, etc.. STOP BUYING CLOTHES AND SHOES WITH CHARACTERS ON THEM. I'll just leave it at that. No need to elaborate. Nothing screams 'white trash' like a Lightning McQueen tank top, that's all.

6. Scrunchies. Throw them away. Nothing good will come from you wearing a scrunchie. Trust me.

7. Boys with unmanicured nails. Yuck. Not that I'm suggesting that you man-up and get mani's & pedi's, I am suggesting that you scrape the dirt out from under your finger and toe nails, and take a nail trimmer to them. I'll throw up in my mouth if I see a guy with long nails. The bagger at my grocery store often has long nails and I can barely stand it.

8. There's no polite way to say this..... men & women....shave your curlys. They're gross, they make you look like an amazon-bush person and it's ugly. Soft and smooth is sweeping the nation, believe you, me! (men---it'll also make your pee pee look bigger)!!!!

I can't think of anymore right now. But I'm taking my kids to a carnival later tonight, so I'm sure I'll have more to add.

Ciao!