Bunco By-Laws!!!!

Many readers also belong to a monthly bunco group. What up, my snake-eye-sistas! This has inspired me to write a handy manual. Kindly refer to this manual and reference it whenever possible. We shall call it, The Bunco By-Laws. Verrrrry official.

1. If you're scheduled to bring beer/wine, than for Gad's sake SHOW UP. Or at least send some beers along with your sub. Hell, I didn't join a bunco group for the chex mix, Ladies!

2. Go easy on the bell. No one likes the obnoxious bell ringer. Ding ding ding to get started. Ding ding ding to change tables. Ding ding ding to announce that you're the first to arrive at 21. (or 18, or whatever the hell you're trying to get to). I've been playing for 4 years and I still have no idea what number you're trying to get to. Anyway, settle down on the bell. It's just gloating.

3. Leave kid talk and/or school talk at the door. Unless your kid told his teacher to go f--k herself. In which case, tell us all about it.

4. What happens at bunco stays at bunco. Oh, how well-acquainted I am with the "morning afters". It starts with a phone call so that we girls can properly perform a post mortem on the night before. And it ends there. We don't discuss it further. We don't discuss it on facebook and we certainly DON'T TELL OUR HUSBANDS!!! I was at a party once when a friend's husband came up to me and referenced my brazilian. I was aghast. Which is when the what-happens-at-bunco-stays-at-bunco policy was first instated.

5. NO KIDS. I don't care if you are desperate for subs, you don't invite your children to play. Unless of course, they drink and swear. I don't like to censor myself when I drink. I wasn't born with that particular skill set. Usually what comes out of my mouth after my 2nd drink is barely suitable for ladies, let alone children. I can't be held accountable.

6. If there's a theme, then by God, adhere to it. Would it kill you to go to Good Will and spend $5 on an ugly hat or dress? It's all for fun, don't get your boy shorts in a wad over it. Lighten up. Don't even get me started on Easter Bonnet Bunco.

7. Don't force it. If we don't want to play, but we DO show up each month to drink and chat, then let it be. Don't force the game on us, just go with the flow! If we called a spade a spade and actually called what it is (a monthly drunken debacle) then no one would show up. So, let's all remain pure to our intentions, that is, to "play bunco". It's like playing along with an imaginitive child. You wouldn't say to your 3 year old, "Suzy, now you know damn right and well that your baby doll isn't real. Why, she's nothing more than latex and yarn. Look, I can rip her head off and she doesn't even feel it". No, you play along. Shhhh, just go to sleep crazy lady.

8. Feel free to create committees within bunco, for purely selfish reasons. For example, I created a fake "membership" committee and told people that if they didn't step it up, I'd be taking their membership to the "review board". Of course, there is no review board. I instill fear, which is the whole point. I still throw out the possibility of putting someone on probation, just for getting on my nerves. You can do this so that you can weed out the riff raff from your group. Or, keep the riff raff and weed out the boring members. Or, black ball everyone and simply keep the weed.

That's as far as I've gotten. I can't think of anymore Bunco contingencies. If you have any that you'd like to share, by all means, post a comment and pass it along!

In Bunco Love, Leslie