family pictures

I'm sure you all have a family that does this, or you know a family that does this. But, you all know the family that takes the same exact picture, year after year. Same people, same occasion, same pose...the only thing that changes is the date.



In my family, growing up, it was of the thanksgiving dinner. Not pictures of the people invited to the thanksgiving dinner, but the meal itself. It wasn't only Thanksgiving, sometimes it was Mother's Day or a Passover Seder. At any rate, we didn't have a particularly pleasant upbringing or much in the way of happiness, but my mother could put on a spread (hence, no pix of the family, just of the food). So, she'd iron the linen tablecloth. She'd polish the silver, she'd lay out the china gravy boats, the little silver s/p shakers and it's matching sugar bowl. She'd place fresh fruit into individual, crystal goblets. She would coordinate the olives/pickles/gardenia onto the Wedgewood relish plate. The meal would be glistening through the 3 beveled bay windows. On rare occasion, my dad would be in the picture, usually glaring at the camera, all three kids forcing smiles, or down right crying. Anyway, that's a day in the life of our family photo album.



Now, in Jason's family, it's a tad different. Not quite as dysfunctional, mind you, but equally as noteworthy. One particular set of grandparents is in their 90's, so suffice it to say, there's a lot of photos. Not fun, candid or particularly interesting photos. Just the same 8 or 12 people standing around and forcing smiles. Once in a while a second photo will be taken so that the photographer has the chance to be in the photo. But, other than that, the pictures rarely vary.

There's the infamous birthday photo. This involves the birthday boy or girl sitting at the table, in front of the birthday cake and cards are methodically placed in front of the guest of honor. The others gather around the said person and if they were feeling especially celebratory that day, perhaps they'll pull a bouquet of balloons into the shot. I'll reiterate. These people are in their 90's. They have 2 children, 7 grandchildren and 13 great-grandchildren. That's a lot of birthdays. And a lot of photos. The only way you can differentiate between the decades of the photos, is by the attire. Otherwise, everything remains the same. Grandma gets shorter and shorter in every picture. Her hair gets more and more pink. The kids eventually grow into their buck teeth. Bad perms tend to soften. But, all in all the situational pose remains the same.

Grandpa just celebrated his 95th birthday last week, in the hospital. We all went to see him, complete with balloons, cards, sweet treats, etc. The nurse was nice enough to take the time to take a picture. Try this on in your mind's eye. He was battling pneumonia, so we all had to wear masks. Grandpa was looking very small and frail in his hospital bed. We're all gathered over him wearing our necessary masks, the balloons were getting tangled in the IV's. My 7 yr old yells, "we don't even have to smile, we can just fake it". So true. No forced smiles this year. Meanwhile, the nurse begins to count off, "One.....Two..." Grandma stops her, "just a minute, hon, I just want to get his cards in the picture". Now, Grandma is as slow as snails and is perfectly content taking her dear sweet time knowing full right and well that the nurse has a busy schedule of which to attain. But, no, once again, Grandma methodically begins to place Grandpa's birthday cards all over his chest, practically suffocating him with them. Slowly spreading them out and trying to position them so they can be seen in the picture. My son says, "it's not like you'd even be able to read the cards in the picture". (God bless him). For the record, if we weren't at the hospital, we'd have been at the Bistro on 44th street, which Jason has dubbed, God's Waiting Room. And instead of spreading the cards all over poor Grandpa's chest, we'd have passed them around the table so everyone could read them. What's that all about? Oh, I see Aunt Dot sent a lavender card this year. And Cousin Rita sent a cartoon one....isn't it funny, the different tastes? And so it goes.... This is every year. It's all about the birthday cards.

I hope I'm never old. Old people and their habitual ways bother me. My dad passed away at 52 and my mother at 60, so the chances of growing old are slim to none and slim just left to get a mani/pedi.