pretty sure I wouldn't like my kids if I'd just met them on the streets.

Gasp) Oh. NO. She. Di-int. Oh yes I did. What? It's true. I'm not 100% positive that I would take an immediate liking to the boys if I just met them. I mean, they're cute and all... but I'm not one to gush over children, just for being cute. Unless they're babies, then I'll just about burst an ovary. I'm silly over babies...silly. Which is why I got my tubes tied immediately after giving birth to my second. I'm a baby-lover. Just not a 'kid-lover', per se. The baby part, I would gladly do, 100 times over. But, once they turn one, I have little use for them. And then I'd have to abandon them. It was best to nip that in the bud when I had the chance. Thank you Dr. Van Slooten.

OK, so why I wouldn't be madly in love with my kids if I met them on the street. Well, for one thing, they're really, really whiny. Another thing is that they ask for stuff..constantly. You can't be anywhere with them without being hit up for something; candy, a hammer, a donut, paint thinner (we're at Lowe's a lot). Another thing is that their ubiquitous interrupting gets in the way of my A.D.D. Ever try writing out a grocery list while listening to, "mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom"? It's torturous.

And yet another reason I'd err on the side of dislike upon meeting my kids, they're quite selfish if you want to know the truth. I'm told that it's just the nature of a child to be selfish, but I say, "F-that". Very self-centered, those two. The whole world revolves around them, you know. Never mind that you have a migraine, woman--I NEED BATTERIES FOR MY WII REMOTE AND I NEED THEM NOW. Um, mom, I'm not as concerned with your asthma attack am I am with the fact that you're hyperventilating while iCarly is on. Oh, the police are here to take you away? Yeah, can you make sure you've warmed up my dinner before they do? Thanks, hon". I'm absolutely positive this is how the inner dialogue goes in my 7 year old's head. Except, not so much in his head, but out loud.

And furthermore, my kids are brutally honest. They'll straight up tell me I'm hideous, on a regular basis. Well, the 4 year old thinks I'm beautiful...(but then again, he thinks Santa comes at Halloween, so there you go). I was playing I-spy with the 7 yr old on Sunday. He says, "I spy some thing white". I offer, "my laptop? my pajama bottoms? my teeth?" No, I'll give you a hint, he says. It's the biggest thing in this room, he tells me. I try to make him laugh so I say, "my thighs? They're big & white". He thinks about it and says, "well, on second thought---it's the 2nd biggest thing in the room. It's the ceiling". Bastard. (I will admit though, I admired his quick wit. I just love a smart ass).

So, let me ask you, would YOU befriend someone who was whiny, greedy, selfish and critical? I didn't think so. They really are darling once you get to know them. It wasn't always like that. It was pure love at first sight [when they were born]. But, then they began to talk and it all went downhill from there. I think that's why God makes them so stinking irresistible when they're born. (if they were born assholes, there'd be a lot unclaimed babies at the hospital) I don't think it will be like this for long either. Knowing what a sarcastic prick Ben can be----just imagine what he'll grow into!!! Oh, I can hardly wait!!! (I'm being totally serious--who doesn't love that guy)? Judging by what they're like at this age, I'm totally confident that we'll all be thick as thieves when they're older. Once they start making their own money, and when they don't feel the need to speak every-single-thought that filters through their brain, I think the boys and I will get along just fine.
:-)