It all comes back to the Bradys.

I've said it once, I'll say it again. Everything lesson I've ever learned in life can be traced back to the Brady Bunch. You can't argue, it's a simple fact.



Why, just this past Easter, Lee's ex-husband was invited to have Easter dinner with her, her current husband and their children. I thought that was big of her, but I secretly wondered about the odd dynamics of it all. I found myself reflecting on the Brady Bunch episode when Carol's ex-boyfriend, Tank came into town. He was a strapping lad and Mike appeared to be somewhat intimidated by Tank's athletic physique. At first, Carol was flattered by the attention Tank had been showing her (who wouldn't) but really, how many times can you spin a girl around calling her "twinkle toes" before you realize the past is the past for a reason. As for Mike, why, he was all the man Carol needed. So to speak.



Another point of interest: I'm forever trying to change my appearance. Like most girls, I'm my worst critic. I love changing even the most trivial thing about myself. Change is good, I always say. But, not when the reasoning behind the change is wrong. I always joke that if money were no object, I'd have my nose, boobs, chin, lips and stomach done. Then I'd be perfect, right? Wrong. One night, I had girls' night planned with some of my peeps. I made extra efforts to look hot that night. I mean, I pulled out all the stops. While applying my make-up, I got kind of saucy and I added a fake beauty mark above my lip. I felt it made me look exotic and mysterious. As I gave myself one last glimpse in my rear view mirror, I was sure that I'd had it going on! I strolled into the venue as if I'd owned the place, confident as all get out. Friend after friend continued to tell me I had something on my lip. No comment about my exotic beauty mark, no added attention from the male species, nothing. I went home feeling deflated.



Laying in bed that night, who popped into my head? You know where I'm going with this. "Introducing....the NEW JAN BRADY"...you know, at Lucy Winters' birthday party..with the big black wig??? If you don't know what I'm talking about, there's really no point in your continuing to read this blog. I knew at that moment that I'd tried to change myself on the outside, but all my friends really wanted was the inside of me. Well. Not in the biblical sense, you see. (picture me looking upward and nodding knowingly with a smirk).



Which leads me to my last case in point: I've been told I'm a tiny bit neurotic. As we all know, neurosis is just a euphamism for giant pain in the ass. I think I've got OCD, but mostly, I just call it my "brain pain". It manifests itself into 2 distinct categories. 1. Forgotten thoughts 2. Lost items. Both will cause me a panic of such great proportions, there's often no recovery. When an earring goes missing or I forgot what I was going to ask my husband, you can almost feel the loss of oxygen in the air. It. gets. ugly. I literally freak out. (It's true! Ann will go on about a missing sock for days if you let her). This little anecdote coinsides with my mother's spirit haunting me. Since her passing 5 years ago, I am confident that she tortures me by "hiding" various items throughout my house. At one point, I had a list (a physical list) of 13 things that had mysteriously gone missing. These items ranged from jewlery to spoons to socks to an entire outfit. Nothing significant or terribly valueable, mind you. Just enough to send me over the edge. How does this relate to the Brady's. Silly thing, don't you remember when Tiger stole Bobby's kazoo and Cindy's Kitty Carry-All and hid them in his dog house, but Cindy blamed Bobby and Bobby blamed Cindy and it was a big Brady debacle? The moral of the story is, maybe my mom isn't haunting me, but maybe, just maybe my missing items are simply missing? I personally think Ann is drinking heavily during the day and simply can't remember where she put's stuff or that she's attempting to sell it on e-bay and has shipped it off to someone she thinks has actually won the "bidding contest." I worry about her at times.

I do think it's important that you all know that Ann is obsessed with the Brady Bunch because of how/when she came into this world.....read more about "The Night Ann Was Born", coming to this blog soon!