nothing says I don't give a SH*T quite like flowers.

Mother's Day is upon us. Oh joy. All these Hallmark commercials and advertisements just remind me that my family is thoughtless. Riddle me this. Why, why, why is it that on Father's Day, the husband gets to sleep in (after drinking himself silly the night before), then head out for a scheduled Tee time and then off to a watering hole to put throw back a few with the fellas before heading home for the proverbial Father's Day dinner.

While, on Mother's Day, we have to spend the whole God Forsaken day with our families? For Christ's sake, it would be a sin if we didn't. Can you imagine how this scenario would go down?

11:30 Mother's Day morning: Hi Kids, ooooh, thank you for the runny eggs and scribbled construction paper, you shouldn't have. Anyhoot, I'm off! I have a mani/pedi at noon, mimosas & lunch with Nancy after that, then we're going to an estate sale to browse antiques. If we have time after that, we're going to see a matinee. See you at dinner!!! And by the way, I'm in the mood for a grilled chicken salad tonight!

Their mouths would all be hanging open and their eyes would just be going, blink, blink, blink.... You'd hear nothing but crickets....

No, no, it's more like this: Guilt gets the better of you and you roll out of bed begrudgingly around 9 AM. The husband & kids mumble 'happy mother's day' while shoving handmade cards in your face. You, of course, have to ooooh and aahhhh over them because you wouldn't want to break their little spirits. Now, mind you, you've envisioned your mother's day gift for weeks. You've dropped enough hints about a Roomba, Cuisinart or new iPod for weeks, he's a flipping idiot if he didn't pick up on the subtle hints (I left a Pandora catalog next to the toilet). So, back to Mother's Day morning, on the kitchen table, next to the too-strong coffee & soggy english muffin is a bouquet of flowers. Your enthusiasm deflates like a balloon and you want to go back to bed, immediately. Your husband will say things like, "Do you like them...don't you like the flowers....the kids helped me pick them out....you like purple, right...???? ". You somehow have to act like it's all you've ever wanted. A friggin' bouquet of flowers. Wow, you really put some thought into that, didn't you? Then you turn on the tv and all you see are Zales commercials with men giving their wives diamonds and by doing so telling her, "I'd marry you all over again"... (sigh)

Nothing says 'I don't give a SH*T' quite like flowers. So, to all you mommies out there whose husbands are thoughtless and a tad stupid, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY---GO BUY SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOURSELF---and when your husband questions your purchase, tell him to go *&%$$& himself.

xoxoxo

****side note: the husband described in this blog in NO WAY reflects my husband, but is dedicated to all of you ladies who are married to , shall we say, thoughtfully challenged men. I know too many of them and was smart enough to train mine early on. As I sit here and stare at my new Pandora charms & Ed Hardy shirt, I'm rather pleased with myself...and him!