stupid things I say

It's true. Sometimes I actually say stupid things. There truly is no filter between my brain and my mouth. I'm often not fit for social outings, depending on my mood. My husband frequently cringes at these outings. This is exacerbated when alcohol is involved. I'll give several examples.





1. I saw a friend of mine recently at the library and she had just had a baby. I ask what the baby's name is. She tells me, "Otto". Without hesitation, I say the first thing that comes to mind, which is, "that'll work out great if he ends up being dyslexic". There were so many other options of things to say in this circumstance, but of course, I have to reference a learning disability.





2. I went to a neighbors house for a gathering and about 4 years ago, my husband and I actually looked at this house when it was for sale. So, I mention this to the owner (my friend) and I say to her, "Jason and I looked at this house.....but we couldn't get past the kitchen". Really? Really? I just said that outloud?





3. I was at my sister's wedding when I was 16 years old. I was as drunk as a skunk and dancing very slutasticly and seductively around the best man, who was probably, oh, in his mid 30's, perhaps. My mom decided it was time for me to go nighty night and began dragging me out of the reception. On the way out, I saw the best man and surrepticiously tried to slide him my room key. I was staying in the same room with my mom and stepdad. Smooth!! Thankfully, he let me down easy.





4. Not being much of a church goer, I began going to church with my husband early into our relationship. It was Easter Sunday and as we entered the sanctuary, the Pastor was handing out nails. I was intrigued. My husband explained that it was to symbolize nailing our sins to the cross. I said to the Pastor, "I'm definitely going to need more than one nail". Funny right? I kill me.





5. To my African American friend who just told me about her sister in Atlanta: "Oh, I have a black friend in Atlanta, ask your sister if she knows her".



6. At a neighbor's house....we aren't particularly close, I'm drinking wine and she tells me to be careful because the glasses are real crystal. I say to her, "oh, that's ok because I'm totally fake, so they'll cancel each other out". (what??)



7. Again, not much of a church goer.....it's Christmas eve and I'm with my future in-laws, whose family is very conservative and Christian. Jason's grandfather has all of his great grandchildren gathered around him as he starts his story, "OK, whose birthday are we celebrating today".... I am trying to dazzle these people whom I will soon call family and I even impress myself by knowing the answer to this one. I answer very confidently and truth be told, I was pretty smug about the whole thing and I say, "Oh, I know this one...Aunt Anita". Jason cringes and quietly whispers, "nope, that would be Jesus. It's Jesus birthday that we're celebrating, honey". Ooooh, right....He is the reason for the season, after all.... But, I did score brownie points for knowing Aunt Anita's birthday.



There are so many more...I could add to this list, at least daily. Chew on these for a while and then we'll revisit at a later date.

Au Revoir!