Stupid Things My Husband Says

Good Morning Everyone!

It's a beautiful day (finally) in my (Lee's) part of the midwest. Sun is shining, sky is blue and I almost made it all the way through the night last night without waking up! A miracle! I haven't slept well in weeks and I am having a sleep study done next week to figure out what is wrong with me. Hubby thinks I'm stressed out and just need to relax. He said to me last night as we watched our daughter's softball game, "I'm worried about you. It seems like everytime we plan to go somewhere, you get all anxious. I bet that's why you aren't sleeping." If a softball bat were laying next to me at that point, I may have used it on my brilliant husband's head!

It isn't as if we haven't had this discussion before. Any woman with children knows that even a typical day in a normal household takes planning and precision execution. Add a trip out of town for Mom and Dad, and even the best of the best may get a little frazzeled. When you have to coordinate who will be staying with the kids and precious dog in between the time they spend with their father because it's his weekend and kid sporting events, you need a team of event planners and a bottomless jug of margahritas! Welcome to my world! The truth is, I have been dealing with this kind of juggling for years so it doesn't really freak me out and this trip to San Antonio for the weekend isn't keeping me from sleeping. I think the fact that my husband makes ridiculous statements (see above) causes me to believe I have to do ALL the thinking for our family, and THAT is what is causing me not to sleep at night. Oh, I hear you girl (Ann here)---we've been doing this 'parenting' thing for approx. 6 yrs now and still, to this day, husband thinks that getting ready to go consists of putting on shoes and buckling in the children into their carseats. I'll break it down. Pack snacks, diapers, wipes, put aside at least 10 minutes for putting shoes on because the 3 year old will take off the left while I put on the right and so on. Gather coupons, to-do list, blockbuster movies, birthday presents and all the other things we will need for our outing, make the children go pee, clean up the main floor so we don't come home to a clean house. All the while, as I'm running around doing all of these mundane tasks, husband is sitting on the couch, usually tuning his f-ing guitar and saying idiot things like, "we're going to be late....can we go now?"...

I'll take it a step further. What about the bedtime routine? Here's mine: Let our precious 'dog-ter" outside, turn off the porch lights, put the ubiquitous snacks back into the pantry, bring glasses to the dishwasher, fold throw blankets, fluff pillows on couch, lay out various items onto the counter so husband doesn't forget them on his way to work, ie. keys, blackberry, bills to be mailed, etc. Lay out kindergartner's clothes, pack his lunch, let in dog, give her a cookie, carry up a folded load of laundry, tuck in kids, wash face, brush teeth, pee, apply hand lotion & chapstick, talk my way out of sex, fall into bed.


Here's husband's bedtime routine: Yawn, walk upstairs, lay down.

They all wonder why we are raging bee-ochs...

I have so much more to say about this topic, but I have to start my list of "To-Do's" so I am ready precisely at 5 pm when we leave for the airport and so when Hubby walks in he doesn't say, "Why aren't you ready yet?????"! After all, we are going to visit HIS friends and if I kill him, it may ruin the weekend for them!