A new low

A New Low

Riddle me this. Exactly why did I spend 40K on a college education? What did I get out of it besides bitchin' memories and a thread bare liver?

My first grader came home with math homework and I was sitting at the kitchen table going over it with him. How many pennies make a nickel? Easy enough. Draw the hands on the clock so they read 1 o'clock. Got it! What appears on the back of a penny? (silence, rapid blinking)

I stare the bronze coin and decide that my son should know the answer. What do you think the answer is, sweetie? "I think it's George Washington's house", my son tells me. I considered it, but wasn't convinced, so I call my husband at work.

I always know when there's people in his office because he talks to me in his "professional" voice. As in, "Yes, yes, I concur. I trust you'll make the right decision for us. Let's revisit this at a later date. Me: Jason, do you want a fucking pizza for dinner or don't you?

Anyway, there's obviously peeps in his office because he's talking to me like that. I said, "hi, I know you're busy, but what's on the other side of the penny"? His answer waivers and so he asks his 25 year old assistant. The assistant says "the Lincoln Memorial, duh". I told him that that's what I thought, but I just wanted to be sure. Jason puts me on speaker phone and says, "but we arrived at the correct answer first, so we win" I channeled my inner 10 year old and told him (and whoever else was in his office), "ooooooh you're soooooo smaaaaart......how did I get so lucky to have married such an Einstein.....you got me, you win. Now the score is 300 million to 2". That shut him up. You've got to knock him off his pedestal from time to time.

So, fast forward and I'm at bunco later that night. For those of you who don't follow this blog, bunco is my monthly girls' outing in which we roll dice and drink. But, not so much roll dice. I like to call it 'drunko'. Anywhoot, I'm at bunco and I'm telling some other first grade mommy friends about my penny debacle that afternoon. They all just starred at me. "All the answers are all written at the top of the page", they tell me. Wow. Now I really feel like a dumb ass.

If I'm having trouble with first grade homework, I can't even imagine what the subsequent years are going to bring. As if my self esteem weren't shaky enough.