After a rigorous Legs, Gluts & Abs class, or as us girls call it, "LGA", I stopped by the kid zone to pick up my kids. The worker lady immediately stops me, which is weird, because they rarely acknowledge me. She points to my 3 year old and says, "Ummmmm". I said, "Oh God".
Here's how the rest of the conversation went:
YMCA lady: Yeah. He, uh, pulled down his pants in front of about 30 kids and put legos on his penis.
Me: And?
YMCA lady: that's it.
Me: Did you throw it away?
YMCA lady: No.
Me: He's not right.
Gabe: I'm not right.
Then we left.
And everyone knows the YMCA frowns on legos on penis'!!! This is why I think I'm banned from the YMCA.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
paper white lillies
Has anyone ever received Paper White Lillies as a gift? If so, the person that gave them to you hates you. How apropos that my son would give them to me.
I had the pleasure of volunteering in my son's first grade class during their Valentine's Day Party. I walked passed the boys bathroom to get to my son's classroom and this overwhelming stench came over me. I assumed there was an incident in the bathroom and reported my findings to my son's teacher. "No" she tells me, "the stench is coming from the classroom next door----the students grew paper white lillies and they just bloomed".
"Oh, ok", I told her as I circled my index finger to my head. As if I don't know the difference between the smell of raw sewage and the smell of blooming flowers. I may not be a first grade teacher, but I'm a pretty sharp cookie.
Two days ago my son brings me home a surprise from his classroom. It is his very own paper white lilly. It was ever-so, ever-so, lovely. I ooooh and aaaahhhed over it and placed it behind my kitchen sink.
The next morning I came downstairs and assumed someone had shat in my sink. The stank in my kitchen was so foul. I almost threw up. Damn you, Mrs. Volkers, damn you. So, I emailed my son's first grade teacher and asked if this was some sort of conspiracy. Was this retribution for all the times we parents send sugary snacks to school. She concurred and told me to enjoy my paper white lillies. Then she added, "do you think it was a coincidence that I sent them home just before they bloomed". Bless her heart.
Paper white lillies, my ass. More like pooper lillies!
I had the pleasure of volunteering in my son's first grade class during their Valentine's Day Party. I walked passed the boys bathroom to get to my son's classroom and this overwhelming stench came over me. I assumed there was an incident in the bathroom and reported my findings to my son's teacher. "No" she tells me, "the stench is coming from the classroom next door----the students grew paper white lillies and they just bloomed".
"Oh, ok", I told her as I circled my index finger to my head. As if I don't know the difference between the smell of raw sewage and the smell of blooming flowers. I may not be a first grade teacher, but I'm a pretty sharp cookie.
Two days ago my son brings me home a surprise from his classroom. It is his very own paper white lilly. It was ever-so, ever-so, lovely. I ooooh and aaaahhhed over it and placed it behind my kitchen sink.
The next morning I came downstairs and assumed someone had shat in my sink. The stank in my kitchen was so foul. I almost threw up. Damn you, Mrs. Volkers, damn you. So, I emailed my son's first grade teacher and asked if this was some sort of conspiracy. Was this retribution for all the times we parents send sugary snacks to school. She concurred and told me to enjoy my paper white lillies. Then she added, "do you think it was a coincidence that I sent them home just before they bloomed". Bless her heart.
Paper white lillies, my ass. More like pooper lillies!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Another embarrassment as it pertains to my son
When I started this blog, I swore up and down that it wasn't going to be a mommy site. That goes against every fiber of my being. I am 'mommy' 24/7 and didn't want that to spill into this. I wanted one, little, tiny shred of something to call my own.
As it turns out, I simply cannot turn off the mommy thing. Hell, the kids give me more material than anybody. The little bastards, God love 'em.
Ben celebrated the 100th day of school yesterday. In honor of this special occasion, they each brought in 100 items; cottonballs, cheerios, and the like. Ben had to fill out a questionaire with regard to the number 100. If you've read any of my blogs, you'll know that Ben's specialty is questionaires and one of these days, his Q&A's are surely going to land mommy in jail! One of the questions was, "If you had $100, what would you buy". Here's what my son wrote:
1. A Madlin (a mandolin)
2. math boks (math work books)
3. Fud (food)
4. A plant
What in the Sam Hill must his first grade teacher think of our family, I ask you? The child is given $100 bucks and he wants more math homework (apparently), a plant (clearly because we don't have any in our home because I kill them all), food (you know, because I apparently never buy any) and a fiddle. What in the world does he want with a fiddle? It's like we're living in the hills of West Virginia. ....Asking for food & and a fiddle for pity's sake. Why didn't he just ask for a pair of shoes and get it overwith?
You'll be happy to know I went grocery shopping today and I purchased not one, but two age-appropriate math workbooks for him. As for the plant & the mandolin, I'll plead the 5th on that one!
Good day!
As it turns out, I simply cannot turn off the mommy thing. Hell, the kids give me more material than anybody. The little bastards, God love 'em.
Ben celebrated the 100th day of school yesterday. In honor of this special occasion, they each brought in 100 items; cottonballs, cheerios, and the like. Ben had to fill out a questionaire with regard to the number 100. If you've read any of my blogs, you'll know that Ben's specialty is questionaires and one of these days, his Q&A's are surely going to land mommy in jail! One of the questions was, "If you had $100, what would you buy". Here's what my son wrote:
1. A Madlin (a mandolin)
2. math boks (math work books)
3. Fud (food)
4. A plant
What in the Sam Hill must his first grade teacher think of our family, I ask you? The child is given $100 bucks and he wants more math homework (apparently), a plant (clearly because we don't have any in our home because I kill them all), food (you know, because I apparently never buy any) and a fiddle. What in the world does he want with a fiddle? It's like we're living in the hills of West Virginia. ....Asking for food & and a fiddle for pity's sake. Why didn't he just ask for a pair of shoes and get it overwith?
You'll be happy to know I went grocery shopping today and I purchased not one, but two age-appropriate math workbooks for him. As for the plant & the mandolin, I'll plead the 5th on that one!
Good day!
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