how to be a good house guest

Ahhhh, Summer is upon us, which is prime 'house guest' season!  Some are expected and highly anticipated.  Others are not so expected and not so highly anticipated. 

You know me and my lists....  Well, here is a handy guide line to adhere to, should you find yourself to be traveling about.

First and foremost, DON'T stay more than 3 days!  Would YOU want a house guest for 3 days? Would you want to feed, entertain and be "on" for more than three days?  No?  Then neither does the person you're visiting.  Unless, of course, you're like my sister and me who just lay on the couch in silence watching tv all day then drink well into the night.  It's like I'm not even there.

Bring a hostess gift.  Even if it's just a day trip.  I'm not talking about a vase from Tiffany & Co.  I just mean a small token of appreciation; a bottle of wine, coffee cake, a bag of carmel corn, some blow, strippers, what have you.  At the very least, bring whatever you/your family will need so you're not like, "can I use your sunscreen, can I borrow a toothbrush, do you have any dog food, for my dog that we didn't tell you we were bringing"?

Just because you're close with these people, don't let your manners slip to the wayside.  If the hostess asks if you'd like coffee, you still answer, "yes, please...that sounds great".  Not "uh-huh".  Or if she asks what you'd like for breakfast, don't say, "bacon and eggs".  You would say, "whatever you're making, thank you so much". 

I can't believe I even have to post this, but clean up after yourself for God's sake.  Don't put dishes in the sink.  PUT THEM IN THE DISHWASHER.  It's not that hard.  Make your bed. Carry your shit upstairs so it's not strewn all over the house. Hang up your towel.  Jesus, I'm annoyed even writing this....who doesn't do this? 

If the hostess orders food, like pizza or whatever...offer to pitch in. (FYI, it would be kinda tacky for the hostess to accept your money, unless you two decided together to order pizza for your families).  Or, if she's preparing something for dinner, at the very least offer to help.  Cut veggies or set the table. I always put my friends to work.  Not because I need the help, but because I want to chat with her while I'm in the kitchen. 

If you bring your dog, clean up after it.  OK, I have a dog and I pretty much never take her anywhere because I feel like she's too big and hairy.  While I allow her on the furniture in my home, I would NEVER let her get on the furniture at someone else's house. 

If you're a smoker and you go outside to smoke, you must dispose of your butts accordingly.  I hate when I have to pick up nasty butts the next day out of my grass....where my kids play.  G-hetto.

This is another big one that I can't believe I have to spell out.  If there is a gathering (big or small) in a living room, assume there is a couch, maybe a loveseat, perhaps a chair.  Unless you are the only one in the room, DO NOT lay across the couch so no one else can sit down.  This has happened so many times in my own home, where my guests and I have to sit on the floor because someone felt the need to lay down across 3 cushions. Rude.

Offer to take your shoes off.  If the hostess says, "don't worry about it, you can wear them", then it's ok. But, if you see shoes lined up at the front door, that should be a clue that it's a shoes-off house. 

If you've stayed for a while and it's the night before you're going to leave, offer to pick up the dinner tab for your hostess.  OK, OK, if you're there by yourself and your hostess has a family of 8, there can be an exception to this rule.  However, if you're there with your 12 kids and you're visiting a couple, or a single person, for God's sake, pick up the dinner tab! Don't be tacky. Really, it's the least you can do.

Offer to strip the bed before you leave. Because you know she's going to anyway.

Look her/him in the eye when saying your good byes and thank them for a great time.

If you are really fancy and this trip was sort of out of the ordinary, you might follow up with a thank you note via mail.  I wouldn't do this if I were visiting my dear friends that I see all the time, but maybe I would if it were a new friend, or a distant cousin or something.

I swear, I'm not a stickler (I actually am a very fun person)....but these are lessons in common courtesy.  It boggles me that I'm 36 years old and there are still people who are completely devoid of basic kindness. And no, I wasn't raised by Emily Post either.  Again, it's just common courtesy, people. 

Educating the world, one bitchy blog at a time.