How to cheat

Boy, that got your attention.  Fortunately, (or perhaps unfortunately--however you look at it) this essay isn't about cheating on your husband....well, in the old fashioned sense, anyway.   I am here to help you cheat on your husband (or wife) by way of finances.

If any of you have a spouse who controls the household money, you'll appreciate this.  I'm sure I'm not alone on this one.  Jason lives as if he personally survived the depression.  He makes a good living, a very respectable living, but the man has this looming fear that it will all come to a crashing end and we'll wind up on the streets.  The man has the work ethic of a horse, so the liklihood of that happening is nill.  To keep his unreasonable fears at bay, I often take matters into my own hands.  What he doesn't know won't hurt him.   I end up with a great new pair of shoes and he's none the wiser.  Win/Win!  These are some fool proof ways to get what you want without having to grovel for money.

1. If you have a budget-----let's say your husband gives you $100 a week to use at your own discretion, and let's say that groceries aren't included in that budget.  You simply ask for cash back when you're paying for your groceries.  Voila!    Disclaimer: This won't work if your husband scrutinizes the grocery bill. 

2. If you've already spent the money and you know you're going to catch hell when you get home, just tell him it cost twice as much as it really did.  When he blows a nut, you get to say, "ha ha...got you!  It was only half that".  The idea here is that he he'll be so relieved that you only spent $50 instead of $100, that he'll be thrilled.  Jason has never fallen for this one, but maybe your husband is stupid.

3. Do you have a fashionista friend or sister?  Just say that she bought it for you---just make sure she's in on it.

4. Did you buy a new coat or a hot pair of jeans?  Tell him that you brought some of your old clothes into the consignment shop and the price of your new item happened to be the EXACT price that the store offered you for your clothes. 

....and my personal favorite

5. Does your grocery store sell gift cards?  Meijer sells every kind of gift card imaginable....from Pottery Barn to Bloomingdales to Ebay.  You know where I'm going with this.  You buy a gift card for yourself, throw it in with the groceries and there you have it....free money to your store of choice.  I am ever-so crafty. 

It's pathetic that this has become my life, but a girl's gotta look good, for crying out loud!