Reuniting Loved Ones

So, like have you seen those commercials for the reality show where the shady detective finds missing loved ones and reunites them with the nosy bitch who be looking for them?

Yeah.  So, at first I experienced warm fuzzies thinking of the boy my mother put up for adoption some 40 years ago.  (I don't know why, but I'm convinced that I have along lost brother.  No evidence, mind you.  Just a hunch.  For reals).

Then, after a short while. I begin to imagine all the people who have come and gone from my life and then I start to worry about any one of those people resurfacing.  Like, what if that guy from the show contacted me and led me on this big treasure hunt, all the while telling me about someone from my past just dying to get reacquainted with me.  It would be someone who has never given up looking for me.  I'm nervous, excited, thinking it's a past love or my [said] long lost brother.  When suddenly my old college roommate jumps out from behind a tree. 

I'd be like, "Oh. hi." (sigh)  She'd say, "you seem disappointed".  And I'd say, "No.  No, it's not that.  It's just the whole build up, you know.  It's kind of a let down'.  She'd understand, but she'd be visably hurt.

Anyway, now I'm  paranoid everytime I get a blocked call or a suspicious email.  I'm wondering if I'm being ambushed into being 'found'.  I don't want to be found.  Trust me, if I wanted you in my life, I probably would have kept in touch.  Unless you happen to be my [said] long lost brother. In that case, holla. 

This fear can also be true with regard to my death.   I'm worried that the right person won't be there to greet me at the Pearly Gates.  I'll be expecting my mother or grandmother to be standing there waiting for me and I get there, only to find my 4th grade teacher jumping up and down waving to me.  I'd look behind me to make sure she wasn't expecting someone else.  Then I'd point to myself as if to say, "me?" and she'd nod excitedly.  Then I'd drop my bags, take a deep breath, feign happiness and think to myself.  'Well.  This is gonna suck.  What a fine afterlife this has turned out to be.  What a buzz kill'