differences betwix my mother and me

In Honor of Mother's Day......

Differences betwix my mother and me

• Well, for one thing, I don't leave a cigaratte buring in every ashtray in every room of the house.
• My pubes aren't busting out the sides of my bathing suit like "jazzy hands". 
• I don't threaten to bash my kids' teeth down their throats
• I don't polish my silver every month (do I even have silver?)
• I can't whip up a wreath on a moment's notice
• I don't get drunk off of one fuzzy navel (more like 11--except I haven't drank peach schnapps since I was 14)
• She birthed girls, I birthed boys
• She didn't believe in antidepressants or therapy (despite desperately needing both).  I'm a walking poster child for antidepressants. 
• She loved to take care of other people.  I'm legally obligated to take care of two people in particular.
• Her belief was that cleanliness was next to Godliness.  I believe that it takes an unGodly amount of effort to keep this friggin' house clean 24/7
• She genuinely enjoyed taking care of my step father.  Me? eh.

Similarities betwix my mother and I

• She had a very disturbingly sick relationship with her dog.   Luna is my favorite person in the world.
• She swore like a sailor.  I have a trucker mouth.  
• She loved to sing while vacuuming.  I too, love to sing and vacuum. No witty comparison there.  
• When I'd annoy her, she'd scream, "WHHAAAAAT????  Goddamn it, WHAT?"   When my kids go, "mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom..." I scream, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?" (then mutter the Goddamn it part under my breath)
• I know she used to secretly fantasize about bashing my dad's skull with a baseball bat.  Ahem. 

As much as I've tried to escape the inevitable, I've become my mother, in many ways.  Can't help it.  It's genetic.  Hopefully my kids will pull through with minimal therapy.  To all the mother's out there, to all the women who've acted as a mother, been a mother, been the closest thing to a mother, who desperately want to become a mother but science won't allow for it, to all the ladies who act as 'mother hen' to all their girlfriends, Happy Mother's Day.  The world would suck without you. xoxoxo

LB