tips for my unborn daughter

Don't be a ho.

Don't change yourself to accomodate a boy

Don't order spaghetti on a date, or ribs.

Treat yourself to a professional eyebrow waxing.

Don't be overly available to anyone.

Don't call your grandmother when you're mad at me. I don't need you two in cahoots.

Take off your makeup every night. No matter how trashed you are.

Don't sun worship---believe you, me---those wrinkles WILL creep up on you! Self tanner is the ticket.

Don't take cameras out with you during a bender. In this crazy world of technology, it can only hurt you.

Do NOT have a party at my house while dad and I are on vacation. The thrill you'll endure will NOT be worth the wrath of your mother.

Keep your 'situation' trimmed and maintained.  Just sayin'.

Don't let a boy video tape your bedroom antics, I guarantee they will resurface.

Don't bring pot to Mexico---they will find it.

Don't cut your own hair

If you're cursed with ugly feet, keep 'em covered.

Invest in a good bra

Pay attention to your colon

Exercise, exercise, exercise. Stay active---it's good for your heart and soul.

Recognize your weaknesses, then find a pill to correct it.

Get in good with your family physician.

Be independent!!! I can't stress this enough. You'll look pathetic if you always have a boy on your arm. and ps. boys love girls who have their own thing going on.

Never show up empty handed. This was a tip handed down from my mother and it's always served me well.

Always acknowledge a gift by way of thank you notes. Personal notes are the lost art and we're becoming a very lazy society that doesn't value the written word.

It's never ok to dress your kids in character clothes.

Don't ever let anyone talk you out of something that you really, really want to do. Unless it's a terribly idea.

FINISH COLLEGE

Invest in nice bedding. Your bedroom should be your sancuary and you should always fall into a crisp, clean, soft bed with a fluffy, heavy down comforter on top! You won't be sorry.

It's best to not even start smoking---it's hard to quit, plus it's pretty gross when you think about it.

Don't decide to cut off all your hair when you're pregnant.  Sure, in your mind you'll think 'it'll be cute'----but trust me, you can't successfully pull off fat AND butch at the same time.

And for the love of God, if you're not ready to have a baby, don't have unprotected sex. Even if you think you're ready and you figure, 'what the heck..how hard can it be?'   I can tell you with 100% honesty, your easiest day [as a parent] is still way harder than the toughest day you could have ever imagined.

...Now go on.  Make mama proud.