Always a Jewish Mother at Heart

It's true, biologically, I AM a (non-practicing) Jewish mother.  Although I married a Christian and we are raising our boys Christian...you can't deny that deep down, I am a Jewish mother.

Case in point.  I feel the need to feed every living creature that crosses my path.  I'm all, "Eat..Eat...you're skin and bones".  Which, for the record, both my children are skin and bones, but that's just good genes, not negligent parenting. Ok,so like there's these families of birds who come to live in our yard each and every Spring and I become totally fixated on them.  I check on the eggs on an hourly basis (FYI, the mother birds really hate that).  Finally, when the blessed eggs hatched, I texted my husband at work and told him.  I guess I expected a big reaction, but he couldn't have been bothered (scrooge).  Then, I proceed to dig up worms in my yard and throw them in the general direction toward the nest.  PS. the mother bird really hated that.  After I've sat back and thought about it, I'm sure the bird was like, "Um, thanks...but, I got it.  I can find my own f^%-ing food.  I'm a bird".  Whatever. 

Also, I tried to pour heaping cups of birdseed into our little bird house, but when I did, a HUGE bird came flying out of it and you have never seen this woman scream like a banshee in your life as I did that day.  I did that girl-scream where it goes up 5 octives and you shake your arms like you fell into a porta potty.  Scerred me-self.  Anyway, so that little act of kindness failed because some dumb ass bird built a nest in our bird house.  That's like me laying my sleeping bag on top of a Chinese Buffet. So, I did the next best thing, which was to pour birdseed into a medium sized tupperware bowl and place it under the tree.  The boys and I marveled at the neighborhood birds who came to gather under the tree for a snack.  We think we even may have helped our [said] bird's social situation.  Like when your homely, asthmatic child brings popsicles to school...suddenly the cool kids become a little more accepting.  So, I fell asleep that night with a clear conscience, knowing that although I might be a not-so-nice person to the human race, at least I'm a mensch to animals.  Mensch: Yiddish expression meaning 'a good person'.

So, the next morning, the kids and I would wake up to check on the birds and the bowl would be empty.  We'd all stand around commenting on how hungry those birds must have been and MY GOODNESS can those birds eat!! When smart ass Jason walks up behind us and says, "good job feeding the squirrels".

Ohhhhhhhh, riiiiight.  Squirrels.

Whatever, I'm a Jewish mother at heart, and the moral of this story is where my human mothering lacks, my bird mothering flourishes.  Shut up.

And also--I'm really good at making my kids feel guilty.  (Jewish mother trademark)