my reign of terror

Holy Shitzu, is school out already?  Gawd, 3 more half days and it's over.  And what's up with 3 half days?  Are the administrators trying to kill us slowly? Whatever.  It's still better than no school at all, which is precisely what I'll be having to deal with for roughly 88 days. But, who's counting?

I don't get it...how some parents are so excited for Summer.  I mean, if you're a teacher, sure, I totally get it.  But a stay-at-home-mom?  What's to look forward to? Whining, fighting and entertaining 24/7?  Maybe I'm the crazy one.  Maybe everyone else's kids are awesome and they're a joy to be around.  (However, I personally know some of these kids and I'm not buying it)  My kids are great and all, but I'm realizing that they have no imagination and therein lies the problem. 

We've all said it, 500 times.  "....when we were kids, we'd disappear at 9 AM and our parents wouldn't see us until dinner time".  Yeah, well, men are creepy now and we have to keep closer tabs on our kids.  But seriously, Ben and Gabe couldn't entertain themselves in make-your-own-bomb factory.  No, my kids would cry and complain that it was too (fill in the blank).  They're either hungry, bored, hurt, uncomfortable, angry, thirsty, cold, hot or they have a headache.  I pretty much have to build them a heated igloo that is stocked with toys and snacks for them to be remotely happy.  I can handle it most days.  But 88 days. In a row?  Ima lose it.

I go thru this every Summer.  I cannot, repeat CANNOT entertain them 7 days a week.  GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY!!! You have every new toy known to man, you live in a neighborhood with 2700 kids (no lie), a park, a trampoline, a brother, a dog, a lake, the woods behind our house, a hose, a bike.....and on and on...  Jeez, an old pair of socks used to keep me busy for days when I was their age. Of course, I was kinda a moron, as a child. 

So, my "Reign of Terror" shall begin at exactly 12:00 noon on Friday, June 11.  Our babysitter is coming at 5 so that we and our friends can get a prime spot at the annual, "Start of Summer" beer tent!  You might remember how I got so lit last year, I dumped an entire drink on my sister in law, stood up and went home.  Anyhoot, nice way to kick off the Summer.  "Hey, congratulations you graduated from pre-school and your brother has completed 2nd grade.  Yay you.  Well, dad and I are off to numb ourselves". 

I got a facebook message from an old friend recently who suggested that I drop the kids off at the library.  The kids could pacify themselves for a few hours and I could go run some errands.  That is a GREAT idea...if my kids were 17 and 14.  OK, seriously? Where the hell does she live that her library allows the 'drop-off' option?  Because we're totally moving there.  Our library sucks.  Mainly because it frowns upon abandonment.  We do go there at least once a week, but that can only kill an hour...tops.  So, just like last year, I've got the boys enrolled in pretty much every day camp that will take them.  The 8 year old is going to wrestling camp and football camp.  The 5 year old is going to some lame 'playground adventures' camp(which I'm sure he'll just lay on the ground and roll in dirt) and also a vacation Bible school.  What?  Together, I have them going camping twice with their dad (overnight....score!) and various other themed camps; Vegan camp, Jews for Jesus camp and a Michigan Militia camp.  At this point, I don't even care.  If they take 8 & 5 year olds, I'm signing them up.

Be aware that my blogs tend to get more intense and snippy as the Summer wears on.  (hard to imagine, I know).  However, the bright side is that along with the challenges of Summer, come the boat rides, parties, bon fires and back yard cocktails (more blogging material).  There is a yard-olympics party coming up in a few weeks with 3 other couples.  Ohhh, Lawd, I can't wait to bask in the aftermath of that! Can I just say....."KY Jelly Watermelon toss"? 

~Happy Summer 2010
xoxox