How to NOT age

Here are a few tips on how not to age yourself, or rather, how to appear younger.

1. Bangs. I don't know why this is, but whenever someone gets bangs, they immediately look younger!

2. Ripped jeans. So freaking cute! I wore ripped jeans to my sister in law's graduation party and Grandma Lupe said to me, "Oh mija, you look just like a teenager"! I love Grandma Lupe. And seriously, no one knows fashion like Grandma Lupe. That gal can rock a fur hat like it's nobody's business.

3. Preparation H (hemorroid ointment--NOT cream) under your eyes. It smells like death, but it shrinks the access skin under your eyes.

4. Self tanner as opposed to tanning bed. There's a chick at my gym that is so tan, she is actually darker than an African American. Seriously, I can't believe she thinks that looks good. She is so wrinkled and leathery, it's disgusting and I think she's my age, which of course, is 19. Self tanner is moisturizing, glowing and cancer-free!

5.Don't smoke. It totally causes wrinkles, especially around your lips. Plus, it makes you smell like cancer. Gross!

6. Stay current. No, your Beverly Hills Beach Club sweatshirt from 1987 isn't a wise choice for a trip downtown. Don't give me that, "it's comfortable" crap. Fashion knows no comfort! Also--anything in your closet that has a cartoon, writing or a character on it, just throw it away.

7. Watch the camel toe. It's a dead give away that you're old. There's someone in my, ahem, family that consistently sports a camel toe. It's not like I can tell her to pull her pants down, but seriously....it's disgusting.

8. Don't say things like, "rock and roll" or "blouse".

9. Don't 'wear' photos of your kids or grandkids. Tacky, tacky, tacky. Not on your purse, not on your shirt, not anywhere. You're a parent/grandparent 24/7. It doesn't need to infiltrate your wardrobe.

10. Stay fit. If you don't use it, you lose it. Stay active and quit concentrating on all the things that you can't do. "Oh, I can't walk all that way. Whew, I cleaned the whole house today and my muscles are sore". Really? Man up. The only time I ever get sore is when I do 100 squat kicks or 3 laps worth of walking lunges. I earn the right to complain after that....but not from say, gardening or vacuuming. (this particular bullet point is reserved for people over 75---however, my dear friend Tammy's elderly mother was locked out of her house while watering plants on her balcony, so she tied the hose around the rails and scaled her way down the house---Grandma Betty, you rock).